The River

Eddies and Whirlpools

As my meditative practice has deepened over the past few years, I've begun experiencing more frequent moments of selflessness. When I anchor my attention in the present moment's sights, sounds, smells, sensations, and thoughts, I'm left with just pure experience. In these brief instances, my sense of self evaporates, and I am no longer me - I just am.

Such an experience defies words or logical thought and must be directly experienced to be truly understood. This is a felt understanding that seems to elude intellectual comprehension.

Despite this apparent unknowability of self, my rational mind continues to grasp for understanding, a concept to cling to. While it is likely impossible for my mind to truly comprehend itself, it persists in trying.

For quite some time I have been searching for a metaphor that could more universally describe the relationship of self to a larger whole, to timeless experience. Something that would make it both easier to grasp and easier to communicate to others. But alas, each time I think I have found concept that works it ends up feeling lacking, unable to elegantly and fully encapsulate the paradoxical nature of self.

And then, after nearly two years of contemplation, during a morning meditation on the deck of a bed and breakfast overlooking pine-covered hills near Yosemite National Park, a metaphor emerged. An powerful insight bubbled to the surface.

So here goes.¹

The River

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Life flows like a great river, its currents carrying all existence in a ceaseless journey. This universal stream encompasses every being, every thought, and every moment, binding us all in its endless flow towards an unseen horizon.

Within this powerful river, eddies form – swirling pockets of water that appear separate from the main current. These eddies are like our sense of self, an illusion of individuality amidst the greater flow. We feel distinct, believing our thoughts and experiences to be uniquely our own, yet we are inseparable from the river that birthed us.

At times, the river's flow constricts, forming whirlpools of intense, spiraling energy. These whirlpools mirror states of extreme self-absorption or constricted consciousness, most especially when we are in stress or pain. In such states, we lose sight of the broader river, becoming trapped in repetitive patterns of thought, feelings, and behavior. Our perspective narrows, and we forget our connection to the greater whole.

Yet, like all features of the river, eddies and whirlpools are temporary. They form, persist for a time, and eventually dissolve back into the main flow. Similarly, our sense of separate self and our moments of constricted consciousness are transient, always yielding to the river's persistent current.

To live wisely is to recognize our nature as part of the river while appreciating the unique perspective our "eddy-self" provides. It means avoiding the trap of the whirlpool's narrowing spiral, instead opening ourselves to the vastness of the river and the interconnectedness of all its currents.

In the end, we are not separate from the river of life, but are the river itself – flowing, changing, and eternally moving within the vast ocean of existence.

1. While the metaphor of a river, eddies, and whirlpools did come during my meditation, the prose was largely composed by Claude 3.5 Sonnet - Anthropic’s generative AI tool, with some minor edits by myself.